Third Party Sues Portland and State of Maine

As reported in other local publications over the last few days, the city of Portland plans to sue the state of Maine to resolve the question of who owns the submerged land under the Maine State Pier, after a $100 million deal to redevelop the waterfront property collapsed because of the ongoing dispute.

However in a surprising development, Karma Beat Down has learned that both entities have been named in a lawsuit by a third party: Poseidon, god of the sea.

“I am Poseidon, god of the sea and earthquakes, son of Cronus and Rhea, one of six Dividers of the Power of the World, and I own that goddamned land under the Pier. It’s forever submerged in the sea, and I pretty much rule the sea, so step off, douchebags,” the god stated in a press release sent from his artist-loft apartment located on the ocean floor of Casco Bay.

“Oh shit,” said a city council member who wished to remain anonymous. “This does not look good for the city of Portland or the state of Maine. Rumor has it that if you fuck with Poseidon, you get one of two punishments: he turns you into a mangy, two-legged horse or he ships you off to live in Arkansas. Frankly, I’d take the horse option, but hopefully it won’t come to that.”

If the suit is decided in favor of the god of the sea, he would refuse to lease the submerged land to either the state or the city.  According to his lawyers, Poseidon has plans to build atop the submerged land and develop the Pier into a massive retail and entertainment complex to include a chariot racino, 24-karat gold slot machines and an olive tree vineyard. The complex would also house 54 Thai food restaurants, a trident factory, a Hot Topic for satyrs and the first-ever underwater Hooters. “Let’s face it, Hooters is delightfully tacky yet unrefined,” Poseidon stated. “And I like boobs. Especially under water.”

The complex, to be named The Poseidon Shops at the Watery Realm, will be managed by his brother Zeus, who recently lost his entire thunderbolt and porn-dynasty fortune in the recent economic crisis on Wall Street, as well as losing Mount Olympus due to a foreclosure.

In similar news, the city of Portland has also been named in a lawsuit stemming from the recently passed ban on smoking in outdoor dining areas before 10 pm.  The named plaintiff in this case is Erebus, a distant cousin of Poseidon and the god of lower air.